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In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else. Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better. Some people settle into a comfortable, close relationship.
When someone who's hurt you wants to come back into your life, deciding what to do next isn't easy. Should you give them a second chance or not? If you still have feelings for them, giving it another go may seem worth it.
Sometimes people will make the most out of a second chance and end up staying together. But the reality is, it's never guaranteed. According to experts, there are situations where giving someone a second chance may not turn out the way you want.
Everyone's situation is different, and some people can make a second chance at love work. But according to Tumminia, going backwards isn't usually a good idea. More often than not, people go back to exes for all the wrong reasons.
Are you too quick to leave a relationship?
So if you're giving someone a second chance for any of the following reasons, experts say it may not last. I find that this fear crops up in times where a person is feeling particularly alone, frustrated with dating, or when emotions and hormones are running high.
But this is never a good reason to get back together with someone. Settling for someone who's wrong for you is only going to keep you from finding the one who's right for you.
When you see something that reminds you of an ex, it's easy to fall into the nostalgia trap. According to Tumminia, nostalgia triggers the release of feel-good chemicals in the brain, like dopamine, and stimulates the brain's pleasure circuit. But that doesn't mean you should call them or see if they're interested in starting things up again. It's OK to think about the past every now and then.
But it's important to remind yourself of why things didn't work out the first time around. If it really wasn't a good fit, giving it another chance likely isn't going to change that.
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To be fair, some people really do change. But hearing them say it once or twice is not the same as actually witnessing those differences over time. While someone telling you that they've changed is promising, that alone isn't a good enough reason to give it another chance. That's especially true if you recently ended things. Sometimes people will consider giving someone a second chance because their friends or parents always liked them.
They may even encourage you to give it try and work things out. If you talk yourself into it, you're trying to convince yourself that you should when your instincts, emotions and gut, tell you no. But just remember that it's your life and your decisions. So trust your gut.
You're motivated by fear that you'll never meet anyone else
But feeling lonely is similar to being fearful of the future and being nostalgic about the past. It's hard to watch someone you loved move on to someone else. When this happens, it can make you want to talk or start things up again because you don't want to see them with anyone else.
But as Michelle Hendersond mental health counselor who specializes in relationships, tells Bustle, "Remember that the relationship didn't work out for a reason. Even though it stings seeing them with another person, someday you will find someone who will make you happier than they did.
But it won't change the fact that you broke up for a reason.
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Loving someone does not mean you should be with them or give them a second chance. As Rappaport says, "Love alone does not indicate that things will be different, especially if your relationship was unhealthy.
Unless they did some serious work on themselves, like go to therapy, there's a good chance that old patterns are going to keep repeating. So these are some bad reasons to let someone back into your life.
If you've seen some noticeable positive changes in your ex, giving them a second chance may be worth it.
Other than that, you risk falling into the same patterns as before and that's just not worth it. By Kristine Fellizar.