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After my first date in a year ended in disaster, I spoke to other fortysomething women — and a psychologist — to learn what they could teach me about running the gauntlet of romance. L ast week, I pushed myself to go on the first date I have had in a year. In this case, it flung back a guy who lied on his dating profile about his age, used a photo that looked 15 years out of date and told me a bizarre story about how he had done time on a chicken farm because the prisons in his native country were too full — all, and this was the really confusing bit, for a crime he did not commit.

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Hitting the dating scene in your fifth decade can feel so… complicated. After all, there are likely to be children in the picture, and behind every potential partner is a sheer lifetime of romantic experience and a much, much longer trail of exes.

But we'd argue that none of this is a bad thing. In fact, if you're dating as a forty-something, you're guaranteed to be wiser, better at dating, better at knowing what you want, and a lot less impulsive and sensitive to rejection. That said, if you're recently single for the first time in a long time, you may not know where to begin.

So we tapped dating experts and compiled the very best dating tips for women on the cusp of middle age, which you'll find right here. And if you happen to live in any of The 50 Cities with the Best Dating Scenesthese rules are especially applicable. Be realistic. Especially since they might be different from when you were in your 20s and 30s. Same goes for money, religion, and lifestyle.

Forget judgment—just be true to you and you'll be successful at dating. It's just poor form in the beginning stages of a relationship.

It's not always easy, but think outside the box. I always encourage clients to make sure they have healed from the wounds of relationships prior to pursuing another one. Just accept yourself and be okay with who you are now.

Ocean facts that'll blow you out of the water

When you own who you are now, you'll be in a much better place to be in a truthful, honest, open relationship. Having a fulfilling love life is worth enduring a few setbacks. Hang in there!

There's very little competition for these bachelors—and you can have your pick, if you are willing to make the first move. Wyatt Fishera d psychologist in Denver, CO. That means exercising, eating well, and taking up grooming habits you enjoy—like regular mani-pedis, if that's your thing.

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It's acknowledging your mistakes and showing that you learned from them and are a better potential partner for it that will make you attractive," Katz notes. There's nothing wrong with being single in your 40s, so no need to act like there is!

Your odds of meeting someone increase when you are more visible, so take a risk and put yourself out there," Weks advises. It doesn't have to be luxe to be fun. Chances are, love won't just fall into your lap. If all checks out, be sure to keep your first few dates in public and bring your own mode of transportation to maximize your safety. Men want to know you have a life outside of your kids, which will hopefully include them," Coloccia says.

I recommend that women form a 'committee' of trusted advisers to help them to navigate all of the difficulties of the process of finding another mate," Drenner says.

I've found some women get frustrated with the 'I have the kids this weekend' scenario because it can dampen their spontaneity and they lose that one-on-one time that's so important when dating, but it also might mean that the following weekend is a 'child-free' weekend. Know what you will and won't tolerate in a partner and no matter what, hold your ground. Remember, if you're married but separated, you're married. If you're married and living single, you're married.

3. but don’t rely on technology too much

If you want to date married, at least be honest with yourself and those you're dating. But best of all, if you want to be single, make sure you are—legally.

Generally, it's a good idea to project that you're self-sufficient when dating older men. Save it for later dates. The majority of women I counsel underestimate the time, effort and energy it takes to find someone they really desire to be with," Drenner says. You might think they're for year-olds, but in reality, they're pretty great for people of all ages.

These apps aren't just for hookups. Real couples meet on them every day.

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If things just don't seem to be going your way on the dating scene, don't hesitate to recruit a professional. For more amazing advice for living smarter, looking better, and feeling younger, follow us on Facebook now! All Rights Reserved. Open side menu button.

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