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You were always accepted, and would be really, no matter what, as far as I am concerned. Not a single person in my life expressed anything contrary to that, of the people in my life with whom I spoke about you, and anyone else who might have had any ideas. No one expressed anything contrary to that.

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You certainly had my favor, and that was enough for the same with anyone else in my life, or anyone worth their place in it. So if you ever had any worries about being accepted, they were unecessary, and I would have done what I could to dispose them, and did some actually. I worried about that myself, and have come to this simple place of volition, that anything contrary would be unacceptable and should have no.

I experienced enough of that grief in worrying about it, and you certainly would not have deserved any of that either. I say all this while the nature of your place in my life, and mine in yours, should be reserved entirely for you and me to decide, and however it should be, that would not effect such acceptance in any way, to place any external conditions upon it. For you and I being intelligent, thinking, feeling, human beings in our own right, any such conditions would be amenable between us, if our trust or preference were to ask for them. We are capable ourselves.

That is how I've always regarded it.

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Why have I? Because I knew, from the beginning, that you were such an exceptional person, and much more than in any superficial sense. You may not so admittedly see that - although I know you have, at least in a manner of self respect - but I see that, and no ruse foisted upon me will dissuade me in believing that.

Not from you, or anyone else. I believe that because it is true, and I do not think I am mistaken, even if you were to be so exceptional to no one else but me. But you are, or should be, well esteemed generally, as I've seen so much in your nature deserving that.

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You were always so exceptional to me. I could not help that, and perhaps you could not either.

Whether only for friendship, or more, even if for love, I wanted to get it right, and with you I especially wanted to get it right, because of that. That is why I can speak so and surely about such things. I still want to get it right with you. Between you and I, at present, and perhaps beyond us, in some ways, these topics involve some issues contrary to the purpose of that acceptance. Perhaps you even showed yourself in ways to deliberately thwart it, as a safeguard, because you really did not want to be accepted as part of my life, or have aversions to what you thought the leading terms of such acceptance might be.

They were very simple actually, that any questions or concerns were safely between you and me.

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That conjecture, that you might have been thwarting, I make humbly, with as little presumption as I can, because you could have been simply being yourself, unconcerned with any such questions. However, if you saw me as someone with whom you needed to establish protections, well, that would, could, say a lot about both of us.

I ask if you would let us, from that, save the best between us, so we can en ourselves with it once again. The best, not the dynamic. The dynamic is torturous for someone like me. I am not trying to aggrandize that acceptance, as such a great thing, or to compare it to any else you may have welcome to you. I am more saying this to contravert any notions of the contrary, in case you had felt any. I worried about them also. I probably should not have so much. I would have worried about what was not expressed, if it was there at all. Perhaps this is not exactly how I would talk to you if you were here in front of me.

We might like to see sometime how that would go. I would like that. This is really very much like a kind of meditation, saying these things, bringing them out, that I should deliver them, and to you. The person for whom this is intended should know who she is if she re it.

She is familiar enough with me, and how I write.

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