Scientifically speaking, certain critical switches must be triggered before your partner's brain orders the release of vasoactive intestinal peptide, the chemical that increases blood flow to the pelvic area, swelling her inner and outer labia and causing her to feel the gnawing tension of sexual desire. Though the intricacies of brain chemistry may be difficult to grasp without a medical degree, there are still plenty of easy, everyday things you can do to get the requisite juices flowing.
Don't forget to pin this for later and follow Redbook on Pinterest for more sex and relationship advice! The scene: You're coming home at the end of the long work day, exhausted, and want nothing more than to put on your favorite sweatpants and eat cereal out of the box with your bare hands.
Except, wait, not really — you also want to have sex. But, like, that can't possibly happen — not with the kids, not with work stress, and certainly not with the fact that your body feels like the zombified version of its former self. There are ways to get turned on and feel sexy, even when everything around you seems to indicate that zero sex is going to happen.
There is no sex switch in your body that can make you go from "work mode" to "sex mode," unless you are a robot, in which case, hi, cool. Fleming calls this '"keeping your pilot light on.
It then makes it a lot easier to get into the mood — if you already consider yourself sexy, why wouldn't you feel ready to go at a moment's notice? There are a myriad of ways to do that, because feeling sexy is subjective.
So ask yourself: What makes you feel sexy? Is it wearing sexy lingerie? Or is it thinking about an extremely hot time you had with your partner? Or is it Or dancing? Others feel sexy when they dance to their favorite songs, put on a new lingerie set, or touch their own bodies," says sex therapist Vanessa Marin.
One way to get in the mood faster when you get home from work?
Create a routine that allows you to even be able to get turned on quickly, let alone at all. It's different for every woman, but it could involve taking a shower, changing your clothes, putting on some fun music, or meditating for a few minutes. Even closing your eyes and just taking a few deep breaths can work wonders!
It's probably time to ditch your routine of getting home from work No one is judging your ex-boyfriend from college or am I Anything you can do to make your room feel sexy — and less stressful — is helpful. That will keep you from being distracted and able to feel sexier and turned on way faster. And given the importance of environment, don't discount the help of a little mood lighting! Lighting candles to give the room a sexy feel can certainly help, too.
Whatever mood music works for you, too — whether that's The Weeknd or 's classic jam "Peaches and Cream" — can also help to facilitate an environment that primes you for getting turned on. It's not exactly rocket science, but think about it: If you go into the whole sex thing thinking that you're not going to enjoy it, you probably won't get turned on very quickly.
Knowing sex means a mind-blowing orgasm is certainly a way to desire it.
16 random ways to turn her on and get her in the mood for sex
Fleming recommends using a sex toy that focuses on your pleasure — like the Fierawhich has been praised by the San Francisco Chronicle for being "a device deed to help women overcome the anxiety of not feeling in the mood for sex when their partner is ready. Hooray for technology. Don't underestimate the power of thought! Brains are cool — having a go-to fantasy can be a surefire way to get you feeling sexy.
Even if that just means a firefighter coming to rescue you with his, uh, fire hose. If you want to feel turned on and you suddenly start thinking about this massive project that's due next week You can say to yourself, 'OK, I can keep thinking about my boss and what a jerk she is, or I can focus on spending some time with my partner. Remember how your partner thinks you're super sexy, even at times you might feel less so? Marin suggests picturing yourself from your partner's perspective.
7 ways to turn a woman on
We're critical of our bodies, and we struggle to think of ourselves as sexy. But think about how your partner views you. Think about specific compliments they've given you. Think about how excited they are to be intimate with you! There has never been a better excuse to just lie there, naked, with your partner.
Studies have shown that our bodies release oxytocin after just seconds of skin to skin contact," Marin says. Though this might not seem like an instantaneous way to get in the mood, preparation can pay off.
Ten powerful ways to turn on your woman in a minute or less
Fleming is a huge proponent of scheduling sex. Though women can get aroused quickly with the right stimulation, imagery, or fantasy, any pressure — from yourself or someone else — will kill the moment. So it's really important not to bully or pressure yourself into feeling desire.
Chances are, it's probably hopefully not your partner who's pressuring you. If you're pressuring yourself to feel turned on to have sex when you're just not feeling it, then it's a no-go. Obviously, you should never feel like you are obligated to have sex under any circumstances, and it's OK to just sometimes not be in the mood.
What really turns women on and how men have got it complicated
The next time you're trying to get through a midday slump, head to the bathroom and snap a sexy picture for your guy. Spending a few minutes sending some perfectly inappropriate texts back and forth will get you both excited to head home OK, OK — this one's cheating a bit. But experts say one of the best ways to tell your hubby some of your turn-ons without feeling embarrassed is to pretend those said turn-ons happened in a dirty "dream," even if they didn't.
Sharing the naughty things that went down in your sleep is a sneaky way to let him know your real-life fantasies — and there's a good chance he'll act on them. Follow Redbook on Facebook. Type keyword s to search. Getty Images. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this to help users provide their addresses.
You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano. Advertisement - Continue Reading Below. More From Sex.