- How old am I:
There comes a point in each budding relationship when you start peeling back petals on your respective pasts. While it may feel tempting to reveal everything, it's OK to be discerning. Former Bachelor Nick Viall agrees. According to a survey from Lelo and OnePoll, the most uncomfortable topic for couples to talk about is their of sexual partners.
Nine times out of 10, you're going to want to be open with your partner and let them know what you're thinking, feeling, hoping for, and so on. Communication is, after all, one of the most important factors in maintaining a relationship. But that certainly doesn't mean you have to tell your partner everything. In fact, keeping a few thoughts to yourself can be beneficial, at times, especially if they won't contribute to your relationship in a positive way. If revealing this information will serve no real purpose, or if it will cause hurt feelings, he says, then it may be something worth keeping to yourself.
It'll be up to you to judge what needs to be said and what's OK to keep quiet. You may find that "some things are best kept private in order to spare others pain and keep peace in the relationship ," Bennett says.
Of course, that's not to say you shouldn't discuss tough subjects or have deep conversations about whatever's going on in your relationship — but that you may want to avoid some of the topics listed below, in the interest of maintaining a harmonious connection. You might feel irritated by little things your partner does throughout the day, or zero in on their small quirks.
So, does your partner need to know everything?
You can try to bring up certain issues in a positive way, especially if the quirk is causing problems. But the reality is everyone has a "flaw" or two, and many can't be helped or changed. You might still be recovering from the end of that relationship.
Or you might wonder, for brief moments, what your ex is up to. But is that something you need to say out loud to your current partner? Maybe not. Unless the family is creating some sort of toxic situation — in which case you should speak up, and let your partner know — there's really no need to share minor things you dislike about your partner's loved ones. After all, "getting into a serious relationship with another person means you also enter into their world," Bennett says.
And that includes spending time with potentially annoying little cousins, or aunts who always say the wrong thing. You can joke and laugh about it with your partner, but may not want to say anything insulting.
If you happen to have a little mini crush, that's fine. Just don't tell your partner. As long as you aren't acting on your thoughts, and they aren't impacting your partner in any way, you may be better off keeping them to yourself.
So unless you really and truly mean it, never say out loud that you're having doubts about the relationship. In fact, "throughout a relationship, it is normal to have thoughts and feelings about your connection and longevity," Fraley says.
Should you tell your partner about your past mistakes?
And you'll never want to say anything like this in the heat of of the moment during an argument. While you may be angry and upset, saying aloud that you're having doubts can be a tough thing to recover from. As with family, it's not always wise to share exactly what you're thinking about your partner's friends.
You can also be perfectly honest about things you don't like, without it going down a toxic road. Sharing your life with someone means you get to talk about each other's plans for the futureincluding goals and how it all might impact you as a couple.
And yet, that doesn't mean you get to rush each other. Even if your family has a thing or two to say, that doesn't mean it needs to get back to your partner, especially since these words can be difficult to forget, and may stick around long after the dynamics of the family changed.
So while you're busy shielding your partner, you may also want to stand up for your partnertoo. And yet, as you might have guessed, these aren't things you'll necessarily want to say out loud to your partner. Instead, try to find a way to incorporate anything you miss — like traditions — into your current life. And if you're still hung up on the past, Fernandez suggest talking to a therapist.
Relationship and marriage: should partners tell each other everything?
You don't have to divulge every thought in order to have a strong relationship, especially when that thought might do more harm than good. So take your partner and your connection into consideration, and know that it's always OK to keep a few things to yourself. By Carolyn Steber.