It's common to feel nostalgic about an old relationship. You might find yourself daydreaming about good times you had, or thinking about what you could have done differently to make it work. Maybe you even wish you were still in touch with that person. After all, they were an important part of your life. It's hard to let that go. Reaching out to an ex is something that happens often, but it's not something that should be done without a lot of thought.
A few months after breaking up with my abusive ex, he tried to get back in touch with me by asking my friend for my phone. My friend immediately asked me about it and I told her that I didn't want him to be able to contact me. He proceeded to tell everything he wanted to tell me to my friend who then took a screenshot of the entire conversation and sent it to me.
Why keeping the idea of a reunion on the back burner may be a problem.
I read the messages, but I refused to respond. My ex was manipulative throughout our relationship, so I knew I would never be in a position where I should talk to my ex again. While I should never talk to my ex due to his abusive habits in our relationship, there are also plenty of other times where you should never talk to your past partner.
Moving on without someone can be hard, but not all exes are created equal. So here are all the times you should never speak to your ex.
If your ex is in a serious relationship with someone else, you should give them space to move on. You don't want to be that ex that keeps lingering around because it not only hurts your old partner, but it hurts you as well. By backing off, "you're creating a genuine single life without your ex for yourself and that's always the best way for you to move on," Masini says. If you and your current partner are facing conflicts in the relationship, you absolutely shouldn't be talking to your ex.
Only do it if you've healed from your breakup.
Not only could talking to an ex hurt your current partner's feelings and cause more issues in your relationship, but you're also denying your relationship of growth opportunities. When you and your partner face your difficulties head-on, you end up getting to know yourselves better and can actually strengthen your relationship. If the reason you want to talk to your ex is because you don't like being single, you should not talk to them.
But if you're using your ex to feel less lonely, you're actually just denying yourself the chance of moving on and even meeting someone new.
If you feel worn out every time you talk to your ex, it's because you shouldn't be talking to them. Your mental health is more important than anything you think you need to discuss with your old partner. Take care of yourself and cut off the communication. If one of you wants to get back together and the other one doesn't, then break off communication. Sometimes it's simply just not a good time to talk.
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If you and your old partner do have things to discuss, set aside a time that's acceptable for both of you. There's no reason to stress yourselves out to have a conversation when it can almost always wait until you're both in the right mindset. If your ex has already cleared all of their clothes out of your drawers and you have that book you leant to them back, there's probably no reason left to talk to them. But if you've already physically gone your separate ways, it's probably time to stop talking. If all of your conversations are to discuss what went wrong in your relationshipyou shouldn't be talking to each other.
If the problem couldn't be resolved when you were together, there's no point in wasting your energy trying to solve it after you've broken up.
When to stay friends with an ex
Accept what happened for what it was and try to move on from it. Just like with my own ex, if your ex has been manipulative or violent in the pastthere's absolutely no reason to speak to them.
Stay strong. If you feel like you aren't getting anything out of speaking to your ex, then do yourself a favor and just don't.
When to cut ties with an ex
There's no reason to keep old flames around if they are just keeping you from growing and moving on. It's OK to not want to talk to a past partner, even if you ended amicably, and it'll actually benefit you both in the long run to cut off communication.
By Courteney Larocca. They're In A Serious Relationship If your ex is in a serious relationship with someone else, you should give them space to move on.
Your Current Relationship Is Rocky If you and your current partner are facing conflicts in the relationship, you absolutely shouldn't be talking to your ex. You Aren't Comfortable With Being Alone If the reason you want to talk to your ex is because you don't like being single, you should not talk to them.