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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off-limits, and all questions remain anonymous. Q: This is a rather general question, but I was wondering if you could write about how men can be good sexual partners for women. A: Thanks for your question!

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What impresses a guy most in bed?

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Surprisingly or maybe not so, guys do have a reputation for being lazymost confessed that they're not all that interested in theatrics or trapeze acts. In fact, many men told us that they're simple creatures who basically just want their wives to show up.

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But if you're looking to give him something extra-special, they'd love a little bit of this. You may be worried about what your husband thinks of your post-breast-feeding boobs, your C-section scar, or that at some point, he'll stop being attracted to you because you look a little — OK, a lot—different than you did on your wedding day. But men rarely notice your self-perceived flaws — they only become aware of them if you're preoccupied with them or go out of your way to cover up. We're validated by how happy we can make you in bed, and that's what we're focused on—not on how much you may have changed.

All of you. Some women — and men — might find this a tad embarrassing, but hear us out.

8 tips for pleasing a partner who has a vulva

It's like giving your husband a private peep show, and being able to see the pleasure on your face and get a better understanding of exactly how you like to be touched is both a turn-on and a valuable lesson. Call us Captain Obvious, but… "I cannot stress this enough: We love getting blow jobs ," says dating coach Todd Valentine. We're not suggesting frighteningly fake porn star-moans, but men want to know when you're enjoying yourself. Telling us when you like something—'I love it when you f me hard'— is far better.

But if you let yourself go and gasp a little like old times, you may be surprised by how he respond to that validation — and what his renewed excitement will do to you. The tip of his penis should be paid special attention, says Valentine.

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While routine sex has its place, he sometimes wants to do something different—and that's good for you too. Or simply straddle him on the couch while the kids are at a sleepover — just make sure the TV is turned off behind you.

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We've all been there: You're totally exhausted and trying to get it over with or you're simply caught up in what's happening and your body naturally goes fast. But decelerating can be powerful. That's why role-playing is so effective. In addition to having you — his fabulous wife —your husband can also get feisty with the "barista" or "maid.

So even after you're through getting down with the "cop" or "pirate," you'll feel closer to each other for having done something novel together.

18 things he's secretly dying for you to try in bed

Sure, guys have a reputation for wanting to get it on within seconds, but don't get forget that the buildup can be just as hot. Whether it's a sexy text you send to get him excited or slowly disrobing for an impromptu a striptease, try getting him revved up before you even start. Why rush to the main event when you can build up to something even hotter?

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Couples so often get into a sex routine — same time of night, same place, same position. And while your husband may not make an active move to change things, men want to have the power to switch up patterns and take total control, says Haltzman.

Get out one of his silk ties, have him bind your hands together, and let him take it from there.

2. lower stomach

We suspect you won't regret it. Most of the men we spoke with confided that they're interested in trying — or having more — anal sex. If you'd be up for experimenting with anal and suspect your husband would enjoy it, initiate a conversation.

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Not quite ready for anal just yet? Try these almost-anal positions. Did you know that men have a lot of places that can be erogenous of placesbesides the penis? There are semi-obvious places like a guy's torso or inner-thoughts, but don't forget lesser-thought of sexy sports, like his temples or behind his knees. Sometimes, it just pays to ask.

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Just like no two women are the same, no two men are the same — and neither are their fantasies. Ask your partner what his ultimate sexy wish isand then indulge exactly that. Whether he's been dying to see you in a certain type of lingerie or have you dominate him, you'll only know if you ask.

Assuming you're in a healthy, honest relationship, he'll be happy to open up. Never ever underestimate the power of a see-through teddy to get your guy standing tall.

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And nothing is sexier to your guy than confidence. I can personally attest to this fact; my man cannot resist this sexy little and I emphasize little red nightie that a nonchalantly stroll around in on occasion. But it's not even just wearing the lingerie.

Try these and make him wild!

It's the tease, the sexy text you send him letting him know you bought some lingerie but he has to wait until the evening. Take your time and take charge, because the ball is in your court and your man wants it all.

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The prostate might be new territory for youor it might be new territory for you and your guy, or maybe he's been too shy to ask for a finger up his butt, but don't leave the prostate unattended. With back-door play, "you're massaging these internal nerve endings and that can feel really good. Soon enough, he'll be wondering why he wasn't already experimenting with prostate play. It's easy for any couple to get in a sexual rut.

1. the foreskin

Think of all the fun you'll have writing the list out together. And how much easier your sex life will be when the two of you aren't scrambling to think of new sex positions in the heat of the moment. Think sex toys are just for when you want to get off solo? Think again — there are plenty of sex toys out there that are meant for both of you.

5. he wants to “make love” too.

You could also give him a sexy show and let him watch you use your new favorite vibrator. This is your chance to get creative. There are plenty of super sexy things women can say to men in bed that will make the experience hotter for both of you. Because let's be real: There's nothing more attractive than someone who's open about what she likes.

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Getty Images. Do It With the Lights On You may be worried about what your husband thinks of your post-breast-feeding boobs, your C-section scar, or that at some point, he'll stop being attracted to you because you look a little — OK, a lot—different than you did on your wedding day. Touch Yourself Some women — and men — might find this a tad embarrassing, but hear us out.

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