- My age:
Swipe Right is our advice column that tackles the tricky world of online dating. This week: how to find a semi-regular hookup — and avoid scary messages. I am 37, a single mom and am looking to find someonebut not a boyfriend. After years of slowly losing my mojo and sexual confidence, I am slowly rediscovering my drives and desires and now want to find someone to explore that with. I am looking for a semi-regular hookup with someone I can get to know over time and explore my sexuality, but I am not ready to actually meet someone for the longer term.
Annalisa Barbieri advises a reader. I have been single and dating, on and off, for four years. My marriage was very lonely and sad, although he was a good, decent man.
My next relationship was with a woman who turned my life upside-down. With hindsight, I can see that it was abusive and damaging, but in the midst of it I was giddy with love. I am not just seeking someone to ward off loneliness.
Every person I have dated has wanted to become very serious very quickly. I find this incredibly off-putting. There is a desperation among the people I have met to just couple-up quickly and get on with watching television in companionable silence.
I’m looking for a partner who is exciting and my equal – without success. am i the problem?
The crux of it is, I think, that I find nobody is good enough, which makes me think I am the problem. I might fancy someone enough to want to kiss them, but find them dull to talk with, or they are fascinating to talk to, but are bankrupt and have nowhere to live and within days are suggesting they move in. Might my inability to find someone be age-related? Or is it me? I am far from perfect, I have scars and weaknesses, too.
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Am I deluded? Am I the problem? It sounds as if you are confident and self-possessed — wonderful things to be, but they can be really attractive for people who lack those attributes; whereas it sounds as if you are looking for someone a bit more like yourself. I was left wondering what your experiences of relationships were before you got married.
There was a sense of a reawakening in you after you got divorced. This is not uncommon in people who have been married a long time; they can go back into the dating scene with the vigour of a teenager, only to find the landscape has changed.
I consulted Kirstie McEwan, a relationship and sexual therapist cosrt. Maybe you have unrealistic expectations which allow them to be unfulfilled? However, I think this might be a shame because looking for a partner is a bit like house-hunting.
You begin with a list of things you want, but what can happen is you end up with something you never planned on, but which just blows you away. I think your subconscious knows this, which is why it is picking faults with everyone. To continue the house analogy: you are not ready to move just yet.
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One thing gave me pause — you seem hypercritical of certain rather human traits. This can be a of someone who lives very much in their head, with a fantastical idea of a partner, ie not someone animate, with failings. Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Follow Annalisa on Twitter AnnalisaB.
I want a casual hookup, not a relationship – how do i say that on tinder?
Ask Annalisa Barbieri Family. I want more than just watching television in companionable silence Annalisa Barbieri.
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