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- I am 40
Are you feeling heartbroken because you lost your girl? Maybe you took her for granted, or maybe there were problems in the relationship that you didn't realize were as serious as they were.
When your heart has been freshly broken, the easiest thing to do is to isolate yourself, feel sorry for yourself, and give into destructive behaviors. This is the period during which you are the most at risk for doing things that will hinder your longterm success. What do I mean by that? For example, if you are currently trying to drown your sorrows in crazy parties that leave you feeling completely annihilated the next day, it is going to have an effect on your energy levels, your health, and even your job.
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But first things first, I want to go over the things you must absolutely avoid doing when your heart is broken. Yes, the breakup hurts like hell. This is when people end up making big mistakes that they end up bitterly regretting later on down the line. On top of that it puts you in a position of weakness and it makes it dangerously easy for her to take you for granted — which by the way is the exact opposite of what we want right now.
Whether you want to win her heart back from another guy or just reignite her feelings for you again, be careful to avoid letting her see you in a negative light. After all these years as a love and relationship coach specialized in getting people back together, I can confidently tell you that both people involved in the breakup experience a surge of negative emotions.
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Think about it this way. So if there is something that you need to apologize for, then yes, by all means apologize. One of the best tools we offer for this type of thing is the handwritten letter. It allows you to organize your thoughts and present them in a clear and honest way. At this stage, we need to prioritize putting some space between you. The more suffocated she feels, the less likely she will be to want you back. I want to take a moment to highlight a key element of getting an ex back. You have taken this as an opportunity to revamp your life, to become the new and improved version of you.
So step one to all of this is to take a step back so that you can make a stronger comeback! In addition to avoiding clinginess, neediness, and suffocating behavior, be careful with trying to get intel from mutual friends. This will look especially bad if word reaches her…. If you are familiar with our philosophy then you have surely heard of some of the most powerful tools he recommend to our clients.
All of our tools and tried and true and we have seen how powerful they are throughout the years, time and time again. I wanted to start off with the NC rule because it is arguably one of the most powerful ones in your arsenal.
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The goal is this tool is to give your ex girlfriend or ex wife an electroshock that makes her realize some important things about you and your relationship. To summarize, it consists of cutting communication for a predetermined period of time ranging from three weeks to 30 months depending on the characteristics of the breakup.
Communication is to be completely cut in order for this to be effective. Distance is not enough — you have to pair it with actions in your personal life. It is very common for people to lose track of their own lives when their relationships begin to become the focal point of their lives. They lose track of their hobbies and passions, they stop seeing people that they used to be very close to, and they become lazy about taking care of themselves. They lose track of their goals and end up focusing all of their energy on their ificant other. The problem of course is that this creates a sizable imbalance in the relationship and can actually contribute to the breakup.
Grab a piece of paper and a pen and start jotting down the things that got put on the back burner when you settled into this relationship. What projects got set aside, what hobbies did you stop paying attention to, and what friends and family members did you stop spending time with?
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Now is the ideal time to start reintroducing these elements into your life so that you can start to fill up your schedule with things that bring you joy. Some examples are golfing, yoga, surfing, cooking, or maybe even skydiving? When you are working on how to get back with your ex and win her heart over again, keep the importance of physical health in mind. I suggested a few things you could try out and you probably noticed that most of them had to do with physical activity. The biggest thing about being physically active is that it releases endorphins which make you happier and give you more energy.
It will serve as a mood booster in addition to a confidence booster and rest assured my friends, your ex girlfriend or wife will most certainly take notice. Now is not the time to tell her you love her. I want to be very upfront with you. Having sex with your ex is not the miracle solution the a lot of people think it is.
At some point, sex will be back on the table, yes.
But not until after you did the work to inspire your ex to want to get close to you again, hence why I went over the importance of the no contact rule. Working on getting back together with an ex is a very different thing because you want to have a relationship that is much more solid than it was before you broke up. Sometimes sex is the cause of the breakup, in which case having sex with your ex in an effort to win her back IS a good idea.
If the lack of passion was the sole problem, then reintroducing passion is going to serve you.
It would be our pleasure to help and we are here to guide you from A to Z so that you can win her heart back! When the time comes for a person to get back in touch with their ex, many questions arise. Well, here is where another one of the most powerful techniques comes into play. I briefly mentioned it above, but the handwritten letter is one of the best ways to proceed. As this article is coming to an end, I encourage you to for in-depth information on how to write the perfect letter to your ex.
The last thing I want to touch on before I go is timing. When is the ideal moment to send this letter to her? Well, by waiting a while after your last contact with your ex, your letter will carry more weight and have a bigger impact. It is often used as a means to open conversation back up at the end of a no contact period.
Let me illustrate my point by using a person who smokes a lot as an example. This person is going to be dying for a cigarette. So if we take that same person but this time we let them wean themselves off of the cigarettes by giving them 15 instead of 20, then 10, then 5, and then finally 0, they are not going to feel the withdrawals as much.
The whole process becomes ten times easier for them.
That is why I stress the importance of patience, self control, and timing throughout this entire process. You are in control of more than you might realize! Bonus: 3 advanced strategies that will turn you into a Human Relationships Expert and give you the tools to get back with the one you love How to win her heart back by using these surefire tips! The things to avoid doing when you want to win her heart back When your heart has been freshly broken, the easiest thing to do is to isolate yourself, feel sorry for yourself, and give into destructive behaviors.
Let's Do This.