- My age:
O ne rule of attraction implicitly states, when we chase those we are attracted to, they will run quicker than Forest Gump on steroids. We are indisputably deed as humans to do one of two things when we are being chased :.
One of the most important lessons I teach people is this: you need to give her some space. Let her come back to you on her own terms. The reasons for this is obvious: as a codependent, you struggle to be alone. You feel like you need your partner to be with you or else life sucks. Giving her some space feels like the last thing you want to do. Instead, you want to pull her in more because you feel like it will make things better, right?
I want to tell a quick story about a relationship I had when I was younger. Understand: what I teach is nothing new or revolutionary. I have studied the most brilliant minds over the last years and came to these conclusions through my experience. Like most Give your girlfriend space, I had the wrong mindsets for many years.
I was needy and dated women out of boredom. I thought that being a nice guy would get me a girlfriend. I would bend over backwards to show my how much I cared. Because of this poor mindset, I always dated women that would take advantage of my weak mental state. I allowed this poor behavior to exist. Instead of backing off and giving her some space, I would instead try to do more to get the girl to want me.
This is classic codependent thinking and it in toxic, unhealthy relationships.
Giving space is part of being healthy
So today I want to talk about why mindsets and giving space to your partner is key to a healthy relationship. Interested in a relationship course? You might not want to admit it, but it is your fault. Being aware of this mistake, and avoiding it in the future, is a major part of finding success in your relationship. My first few relationships were with women that I fell head over heels with. Toxic women with BPD to be exact. But did BPD really matter?
The right amount of space to give in a relationship
The reality is that, like most people, I was using BPD as an excuse for my failing relationship. Instead of taking a good, hard look at myself, it was way easier to just blame my partner and her BPD as the reason for the failure.
After all, taking zero responsibility for things is really easy…. It just simply requires a change of mindsets in order to be in these types of relationships. But this is actually the case for every type of healthy relationship.
I was too focused on the relationship and trying to make it better. I was always reading articles on BPD and trying my best to learn how to date these woman and get them to love me again. I refused to look at myself and see what I could change about me that would make it work. Instead, I was always just looking up techniques and whatnot that I could do when certain things happen.
I was a codependent fool. One of the biggest mistakes I made in my early relationships was the poor mindsets that relationships are all about being close to your partner.
2. establish “do not disturb” zones
And if you agree with that, let me explain why this is a poor mindset. The reality is that closeness is not supposed to be a conscious goal of the relationship. Closeness will naturally happen when you and your partner have natural, real chemistry. This means that once your hormones and emotions have died down aka the honeymoon periodif you and your partner consistently grow and evolve together, then you have natural chemistry.
But this reality is based on whether you and your partner share similar mindsets and beliefs. This is why I constantly talk about what the healthy relationship mindsets are.
You do things, say things, behave in certain ways that are trying to bring you two closer together. But instead of growing the Give your girlfriend space, often times you end up pushing your partner away. Because deep down, humans subconsciously know that relationships and chemistry happen over time.
You instead focus on ridding yourself of the poor, codependent mindsets and instead focus on developing strong, independent mindsets. This means that you need to spend less time worrying about the relationship and more time worrying about yourself. I know this truth more than anyone. I was as codependent as anyone can be. So when I decided to make the massive change and become who I am today, it only fuels me to teach people about it. In my early relationships, I spent all my time trying to learn about BPD and how to make it work. So the only reason I would ever give space to my partner was with the hope that it would make my partner be closer to me.
It was such a poor way of thinking. I was going against what I wanted to do with the hope that my absence would draw her closer. And yeah, this would work at times and my partner would wonder why I was suddenly unresponsive. Give your girlfriend space the reality is that this is just a poor way of handling the bigger, deeper problems — mainly my poor mindsets. And as you are probably well aware, eventually it stops working all together and your partner goes cold permanently.
Because at their core, women are drawn to mentally strong, able, independent men. Because being strong and independent is so damn rare these days, people are drawn to those like this. I know this can come off quite confusing. Maybe you came here looking for some tips about giving space or whatever other reasons you have.
These just become band-aids to a bigger issue that needs to be fixed. All I am is an example of someone that figured this out and completely changed myself over the years. This is because I dropped my poor, fixed mindsets and learned about what actually makes a relationship work in the real world.
And inour world is chaotic. The reason why my relationship training is so effective is because I am constantly improving it and adapting to the changes of this rapidly evolving social world we live in. Old rules become obsolete and new rules replace them.
Closeness and true love cannot be forced. So if your partner is telling you that they need space, you need to look beyond the words at the bigger picture. So yes, backing off is the best thing to do for now. Instead, take this as a that you need to develop your own independent nature.
What can you be doing for yourself that will develop yourself, that will increase your quality of life? These are the questions to ask yourself when you encounter issues like this in your relationship.
Toxic relationship after toxic relationship…
These are hints from your lover that the spark is fading. So you better get moving fast. This is really much bigger than that. My goal with this blog and my programs is to teach people about these relationship mindsets that make you into a great partner in general. Everything I write about, everything I do is about teaching people these growth mindsets. Understand that the bigger your belief system, the greater mindsets you have, the more you begin to connect with your lovers and truly understand them on a deeper level.
I am a firm believer in this, I too was pushy with the space thing, but I realize that when we are aloud space, we become better thinkers and stress free. So you need to LOVE to see him or her everyday! You at least have to prefer time with your partner then the other things or people you do or see even if you should do or see them once in a whilefor a relationship to work really long term. Lol well for one her comment was about a year ago.
In a relationship, giving someone space is extremely important. but how do you give someone space without losing them (or being torn up inside with fear, for that matter)?
Lol she was talking about YOU only lasting one year in a relationship. That true long term intimacy needed more than what you are teaching. That to marry someone she needed someone who wanted to spend time around her as opposed to being with someone who only focuses on their own wants and needs. I think both is important. I totally agree relationships need time and space to grow.
Your articles helped me get over my last relationship which was toxic. So thank you keep it up. Rick, im getting ready to. I have been reading and enjoying all your articles. Nineteen years my best friend and I have been enjoying eachothers company. Now after her divorce she and I live together. Its been three and a half years of ups and downs. But I live by so many of the ideas you have.
I have many great ideas to add to your many ideas. All of which work wonderful miracles.