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The time when you fall in love is exciting, thrilling, and can cause your stomach to turn to butterflies. Research has shown that it can affect the human brain when you fall in love, similar to using cocaine. It can feel like a high. This is why when you fall in love, you almost feel like an addict. You can't stop thinking about your partner, and you feel at your happiest when you're together. New romances are intoxicating, and it can be difficult to think clearly and rationally in this phase.


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You're in love, again. Not just a little bit in love, but an all-encompassing "I've met my soulmate" kind of love. This feels true and real for you, but your friends are giving you the side eye. Should you be worried if you fall in love that quickly? Whereas some people are slow to open their hearts, others never hold back their emotions. The benefits of emotional vulnerability are many, but what if you don't have many standards before giving away your heart? Falling in love quickly and often may place you at risk for unhealthy relationship experiences.

If you think about yourself and your friends, you probably notice differences in how quickly people dive into their relationships. Some people approach love with reserve, thinking and feeling their way closer to a new potential partner. This doesn't mean they are avoiding love or have strict safeguards in place, such as intentionally withholding their emotions; it simply means they are slower to developing romantic investments.

They know who they are and they steadily hold on to themselves as they carefully open their self-concepts up to a new partner. Falling in love is still exhilarating, but it only occurs after a sufficient period of time and connection. For others, falling in love happens quickly, easily, and they are "all in" right away.

This emotional and behavioral pattern is captured by the term emophilia Jones, Emophilia describes the tendency to easily fall in love, a tendency that used to be captured by the term "emotional promiscuity. They might strongly endorse such statements as, "I feel romantic connections right away," or "I tend to jump into relationships" Jones, In the same way that people high in sociosexuality are open to engaging in sexual behavior outside of a committed relationship, people high in emophilia have low thresholds for what they need prior to falling in love Jones, People high in emophilia often fail to see the obvious "red flags" that others might readily notice, and so they are at risk for falling in love with toxic partners.

People high in emophilia show more romantic attraction to people with Dark Triad traits than people lower in emophilia; with attraction guiding behavior, this could mean that people high in emophilia find themselves in unhealthy romantic relationships again and again. Whether you move quickly or slowly, falling in love is an exhilarating experience.

You can't stop thinking about your partner and you feel anxioushappy, excited, and full of energy You feel your day-to-day life changing as you reorient your world around your new partner. This re-centering is a critical part of building a new attachment and creating the "pair bond" that defines long-term relationships, but it is no casual experience: Falling in love changes you.

Because falling in love changes you, people high in emophilia may have an especially turbulent self-concept dynamic. Self concepts expand when we fall in love — people become more similar to their partners — but then self-concepts constrict when we lose a relationship. People feel smaller and have questions like "Who am I now?

Are you falling in love too fast?

If we dive in, and then dive out, again and again, we may begin to have an unstable sense of who we are. This is an area that warrants more empirical investigation. Aron, A. Self and self-expansion in relationships. Knowledge structures in close relationships: A social psychological approach, Jones, D. Emophilia, sociosexuality, and anxious attachment: Approach and inhibition differences.

Personality and Individual Differences, Lechuga, J. Emophilia and other predictors of attraction to individuals with Dark Triad traits. Personality and Individual Differences,Advanced online publication.

Slotter, E. Who am I without you? The influence of romantic breakup on the self-concept. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 36 2 Handbook of Sexuality-Related Measures. Theresa DiDonato, Ph. Theresa E. DiDonato Ph. Meet, Catch, and Keep.

Readiness to fall in love may increase the risk of unhealthy relationships. Key points Falling in love easily, quickly, and often is called "emophilia.

How to set the tone for success in any relationship.

Emophilia may make people's self-concepts vulnerable to rapid change. References Aron, A. About the Author. Read Next. Back Psychology Today. Back Find a Therapist. Back Get Help. Personality Passive Aggression Personality Shyness. Family Life Child Development Parenting.

8 ways to avoid falling in love too quickly

View Help Index. Do I Need Help? Back Magazine. July Who Is the True You? Back Today. Essential Re.

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