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Natalie Maximets is a certified life transformation coach with expertise in mindfulness and sustainability. She is a published author focused on the most progressive solutions in the field of Psychology. Natalie helps people go through fundamental life challenges, such as divorce, and build an entirely new life by reframing their personal narrative. If you laugh at that joke bitterly or can't at all, you are probably on the brink of despair or perpetually frustrated at being unable to get your partner to have sex with you for quite some time.


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This is the fifth article in our seven part Causes of Divorce series. Links to the other articles are at the bottom of the. Most married couples experience the occasional dry spell. This can even happen within a perfectly healthy relationship in accordance with the ordinary stresses, trials, and tribulations of life.

Sometimes, however, an ordinary dry spell goes on long enough to become a full-blown sexless marriage, and that is a cause for greater concern. In a survey conducted for a book called The Social Organization of Sexuality Perhaps the slight discrepancy indicates that a man and a woman in the same marriage might estimate the frequency of sex a little bit differently. In any case, there is a ificant segment of the married population that is simply not having regular sex.

Is it ok to cheat in a sexless marriage

Hopefully it will either help you get to the bottom of your marital problems or give you the push you needed to move on in the hopes of finding a new romantic relationship with more mutual sexual appetites. As it turns out, having more frequent sex takes actual commitment, and it may feel a little bit like work at first.

Sex and marriage experts tend to agree that it takes real honesty, collaboration, and courage for you and your spouse to get back into the swing of things. Intervening before the problem takes on a life of its own is key.

More in divorce

Without buy-in from your partner, things are likely to get worse over time. It works the other way around as well. Sex is the best aphrodisiac. The more sex you have, the more sex you want.

1) making excuses

When you and your partner are particularly busy or stressed, sexual intimacy can become more of a luxury, but affection more broadly is an actual human need. Does this remind you of anything else?

When a relationship begins, lust is often enough. Over time, however, that overwhelming sexual attraction can fade. Is it possible for two people who desire sex to find themselves in a sexless marriage? It absolutely is, especially if those people have radically different sexual needs. This could mean disagreeing on how much or what kind of sex to have. You might not even know that you disagree with your husband or wife on the matter, because so many people find this so difficult to talk about.

The real difficulty comes in with the addition of some extenuating circumstances, like when one partner has a lot more sexual experience than the other, or even when one spouse is a survivor of sexual abuse. A physical abuse survivor, through no fault of their own, might simply require more patience and gentleness than a kinky partner can muster.

You and your spouse have options. You can try to reach a compromise through sex therapy, or you can even consider an ethical open relationship. Both of these options are a lot to ask of a vulnerable person, though, so you might realize you just want to try your luck with somebody new. An affair, however, is often a symptom of underlying problems.

Related stories

While sexual desire might seem like the reason you or your partner strayed, it also represents some level of disregard for your relationship, which can be too painful to recover from. There is, however, scholarly research that suggests that they are more likely to get divorced than their sexually active peers. In a study, Denise A. Donnelly of the University of New Hampshire Family Research Lab found that participants who self-reported a high probability of an impending marital separation were more likely to report being in a sexually inactive marriage.

In the same study, Donnelly found that participants who reported that they did not argue with their partner about sex were also more likely to be in a sexless marriage.

Thus, there is reason to believe that, when it comes to your sexual relationship with your spouse, even unpleasant communication is better than no communication at all. Other times, the gesture of finding a counselor alone is enough to demonstrate to your partner just how much you care.

There are lo of resources written by therapists available for free on the web, and learning new techniques can definitely lead to new. Perhaps most importantly, relying on a conversation strategy developed by an expert might give you the confidence you needed to open up in the first place. Having these conversations will only get easier over time.

Remember what Tammy Nelson said about sex being the best aphrodisiac? Well, that means that sometimes you just have to go through the mechanics in order to get to the romance. This may sound counterintuitive, but it really works.

Did you know that you can actually attach a photo to a Google calendar event? Scheduling sex also gives you a lot more opportunity for ambiance.

A lot of couples already have regular date nights. If the love is still there, then the lovemaking can always come back.

Can lack of intimacy be considered grounds for divorce?

So, sit down with your partner and get talking. Clothing optional. Go to this about online divorce to learn more. We do not provide legal advice through the Service. The Service may facilitate access or introductions to an attorney or other d professionals in various ways, including, for example, by providing you with their contact information. These services will not create an attorney-client relationship between you and OverEasy. OverEasy It's Over Easy is not a lawyer, law firm, lawyer directory, or a lawyer referral service. OverEasy does not endorse or recommend any particular lawyer, or any other professional, that is listed in the index.

Lawyers and other professionals are listed in the index for advertising purposes only. Because your relationship to the law and the legal system is inherently personal, no general information or technological tools like those that we provide will be appropriate for every circumstance.

If you need legal advice for your specific situation, you should consult a d attorney in your area.

Sexless marriage as a norm

Recent Posts. Search for Anything:. October 6, By Moriel Berger. You and Your Partner Have Incompatible Sexual Interests Is it possible for two people who desire sex to find themselves in a sexless marriage? If you want to reignite the flame, you should start by striking up a conversation. In the next article of this series, we discuss the warning s of divorce.

article Next article Read the Entire Causes of Divorce Series Causes of divorce How to know when your marriage might be over When to walk away after infidelity Emotional affairs and texting s of divorce Divorce after 20 years.

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In an ideal world, our spouse would have sex with us whenever we were in the mood.


You might wonder how much sex is considered healthy and whether or not you should be concerned, especially if you would never describe your union as loveless.


Sexless marriage is more common than people think.