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By Editorial Team. Those with cystic fibrosis know that it branches out into every area of their lives. Unfortunately, dating and relationships are no exception.
Oli and Mahi matched on Tinder last year.
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The catch? After talking for a couple of days, they found out they both had cystic fibrosis. Due to the risks of cross-infection, they knew they could never meet, but remained virtual friends. Mahi: We matched and got to talking; I think I was talking about my day and what I had planned, and I mentioned I had to go to hospital in the morning. Oli: When she mentioned she had a chest infection and was going for a check up it was already a red flag for me, so I had no intention of meeting her until she was better.
Oli: When she mentioned that she had CF, that was when I realised we had more in common than we thought! I told her that I was sorry but we could never meet as I also have CF. She was very surprised but understanding. Mahi: It was kind of nice having that in common and speaking to someone that understands it. Obviously at that point dating was completely off the table. We decided to stay friends, because it would be nice to talk to someone who has it.
I have no other friends with CF. Oli: There was no definitive moment where we decided to stay in contact, it just Cf patients dating to naturally happen. Oli: The main challenges with trying to be friends with other people with CF is that you can never meet face to face. I have spoken to a few people with CF throughout my life, from a distance, and sadly most of them have died. In spite of this, I would absolutely encourage those with CF to connect with others in the same position as it can be enormously helpful and comforting.
I kind of make it a point not to make friends while in hospital. When I was little I did become friends with another little girl with CF, but sadly she passed away. They would only let us play if we stayed on opposite ends of the corridor and rolled a ball to each other.
What is it like to be a partner of someone with cf?
Oli: I only started dating properly after my transplant because I was just too unwell Cf patients dating, so I know my experiences will be different from a lot of other people with CF. Dating with CF is same as it is for anyone else, but at some point you have to bring it up and reactions to that information can vary. I used to be quite self-conscious about it, but I find it best to be open and up front about everything, because it is a big part of my life.
Other times I have been very vague on the matter and simply said I had an operation when I was younger which resulted in a poor immune system. It was always best to tell someone in person. They either go and do research on it, googgle everything about it.
And they freak themselves out, because they read about all the doom and gloom and worse-case scenarios.
The other type of reaction I get is on the opposite end of the spectrum. Mahi: One bad experience that does stick out, was this one time I was dating someone and we had just decided to be a couple. I ended up being admitted to hospital the next day.
Cystic fibrosis influenced my dating life
I had been struggling with my health all summer, I was in and out of hospital a lot, by this point I was completely fed up and unwell. The guy just disappears, no texts, no phone calls, nothing. I sent out a text to a bunch of people happy that my lung function had finally started to go up. You kind of want to deal with one thing at a time, but you get no breaks with CF. I wanted to be anywhere else other than that hospital room, not surrounded by nurses and doctors, people coming in and out of my room and machines beeping at me, with no privacy.
Oli: By far the most common problem I came across while dating was the emotional problems experienced by my partner. They would often raise the fact that it would be Cf patients dating hard for her when and if I were to die early, and how ultimately she would be left on her own.
Her family only wanted her to be happy and in their eyes, I was not the person that could give her that future. We never spoke again, and for all I know she may have felt we were a bad match for other reasons, but it did play on my mind that she may have ducked out because I have CF. Relationships are hard at times and CF can make them harder. Other times, she Cf patients dating my treatments and appointments to be a nuisance and would often make me feel guilty about the fact that if we ever wanted to have children she would have to have to undergo invasive IVF therapy because of my inability to conceive.
After that relationship ended, I suffered for a long time with feelings of guilt and shame for the sacrifices my partners would have to make on an of my condition, feelings that were made worse by the fact that even if I wanted to have children alone, my status as a single male would make me automatically ineligible for the funding to start IVF myself. Mahi: Once I had a first date whilst I was in hospital.
We had things organised and I got admitted, and rather than cancel on me he came up to visit me, we sat on my bed and chatted, watched a film while I was hooked on my IVs, then we went out for food after. It was a really nice fun surprise. We met on Tinder and went for a walk in a local park, and after only a few hours with her I felt so comfortable that I told her about my medical history without hesitation, thinking that if it were to put her off me altogether, I would rather we know now in order to avoid any disappointment.
As it turned out, she and her family were highly prone to breast cancer and she Cf patients dating me it was likely that she would have to have a double mastectomy sometime in the near future. Soon after, she had a real cancer scare which ultimately brought us closer together. When it came to Kate, CF did not stand in the way of our relationship. We are currently planning our future together, looking forward to the all the usual milestones and eventually starting our own family.
Find out more about 'Five Feet Apart,' the issues covered in the film, and how we can help to support your conversations here. Find out more. Home News Dating and Cystic Fibrosis. Can you tell us about how you met? What challenges come with trying to be friends with other people with CF when you have the barrier of cross-infection in the way?
Mahi: Oli is my only friend with CF, and we can only chat through text. Have you had any bad experiences dating with CF? What about good experiences? Share this Twitter Facebook LinkedIn. Donation type One off Monthly.