Tracee Dunblazier. They just want to be honest and true to their feelings.
No matter how many breakups you go through in life, it never seems to get easier. And just like going through one yourself, it also never gets easier to watch a friend hurt after parting ways with someone they care about.
It's why you'll want to figure out the best things to text a friend after a breakupin order to offer support. Because again, nothing about breakups is easy. This person literally becomes a part of you, because this attachment system exists in the brain.
To your brain, a relationship feels like someone feeding you delicious chocolate throughout the day. But during a breakup, the attachment system [ That's why it's not uncommon for a person feel lost, alone, sad, and confused post-relationship. Even if the breakup is ultimately for the best, they'll have to go through a tough adjustment period.
With this in mind, it's important to tread carefully when reaching out to a friend via text. Some people may need time to be alone with their thoughts. But there are also plenty of things you can say to help them along the way, until they feel better again. Here are a few ideas. So many people lie in bed and scroll through social media after a breakup.
"want to spend a day away from social media with me?"
They want to see their ex, check in on what they're doing — and maybe even do a little spying. But absolutely none of that is helpful.
Cortney Warrena clinical psychologisttells Bustle. As their friend, that's where you can swoop in and remind them to step away from their phone, if only for a couple of hours.
Offer to take them out — like to a picnic in the park, or on a bike ride around the city — to give them a much-needed break. While you'd like your friend to get out of bed, out of the house, and back into life, that's often way easier said than done. If their breakup just happened, they may not be able to pull themselves off the couch, much less get showered or dressed.
And that's OK. Let them decide what to do — and also let them know you're down for anything.
Say you'll come over and eat pizza and watch Netflix with them, if that's what they need, or that you'd be down to go out. Make it all about what they're feeling up to, in the moment. Every loss needs to be grieved, Barbara Neitlich, LCSWa psychotherapist, tells Bustle, so let this text serve as a much-needed reminder.
Also, tell your friend that grief comes in many forms, which is why they might be yelling and angry one moment, Neitlich says, and crying the next. It's all a valid response to the end of a relationship — especially if the relationship was a long one, and it ended unexpectedly.
To follow up, you could even text your friend and offer to come over and do all these things with them. It might be cathartic to spend an evening yelling into a pillow together, or watching sad movies. Similarly, remind your friend that it's OK if they're acting "out of character" post-breakup, especially if they're expressing concern over their choices.
It'll help your friend remember they're going through the grieving process, she says — not permanently changing who they are as a person.
If they're able to give themselves grace and forgiveness, they'll have an easier time moving on. Everyone handles breakups in their own way, and your friend might find that they prefer to spend a lot of time by themself. This text will let them know you understand they need space, but that you're thinking of them — and will follow up soon. Let me know if you need anything! Even though they might not be able to see it, your friend is healing little by little, with every day that goes by.
Best advice for someone going through a breakup
And it might be comforting to remind them of that. One of the hardest things to adjust to after a breakup is loneliness.
Your friend won't be falling asleep next to their partner, or receiving goodnight texts like they're used to, Dr. Rebecca Leslie, PsyDa d psychologist, tells Bustle. This text shows you understand it's tough, Leslie says, and it also offers a solution to this very real problem they'll be experiencing, until they fill the void with new people, hobbies, or experiences.
If your friend's relationship ended after a tough conversation, assure them that they made the right choice in speaking up — even though it resulted in a breakup. Jenna DiLossia d professional counselor, tells Bustle. Praising your friend for speaking their needs and advocating for themselves is important.
Another way to be helpful is by giving your friend space to reflect on how they're currently feeling.
It might just play a role in helping them to process and move on, but keep in mind not everyone does so quickly or on a predictable timeline. Be prepared to continue supporting your friend six months or more down the line — if you're able to — by making a point of sending more texts, hanging out, etc.
Coming through with a little extra love eight months after their breakup, once all their other friends have completely forgotten about it, can mean the world. Even if you aren't sure of the perfect thing to say, remember — it's just about being there for your friend.
Making an effort and letting them know they're loved and appreciated, as they go through this breakup, is a great start.
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Julie Melillolife and dating coach. Cortney Warrenclinical psychologist. Jenna DiLossid professional counselor. Sierra Hillsman, M. By Amanda Chatel and Carolyn Steber. Updated: November 10, Originally Published: July 15, You've got this!